Sunday, May 27, 2012

I declare war to making love. A rant

You read correctly, I hate 'making love'. Not the act itself, that would just be silly, but the term. Making love? I'm sick to my teeth reading it in novels. What's wrong with having sex, sleeping together, fucking, etc.? No, it seems it needs to be 'making love' and for a guaranteed projectile vomiting, best to add a sweet! Seriously? We made sweet love? Gee, can you see me shuddering here?
Yesterday, I finished a book in which I had to read 'making love' and my eyes almost came out of my sockets holding back the bile. It was just there, suddenly, unexpected and without any warning. How could I've known that the author had decided to use 'making love'? Had I known, I would have skipped that section. I find if authors feel the need to use it, they should put a warning in the blurb, saying the book contains some love making. To hit me over the head just like that, isn't part of the deal!
When I then started the next book, I was actually looking forward to, and had to read 'making love' in the opening chapter, I screamed. I kid you not. It was about midnight and I screamed! I immediately hit the delete button on my Kindle. I can't take it anymore. Why do I need to be told that the couple, freshly in love 'made love'? What else would I think? That he'd rape her, perhaps? To me it's enough to read they spend the night, because it's clear they'll have sex, that's what people do who love each other, for fuck's sake. Pun most certainly intended.
It is possible to give a reader an idea on how long, how often and how intense it is, without using 'making love'. Are you sick of 'making love', yet? See how annoying that expression is? I'm overusing it on purpose so you can share my pain.
Recently, I talked to my friends Bobby, John and Piddi about it and all of them agreed that they don't want to read it in a novel, nor do they want to hear that ever from somebody about to have sex with them.
When I suggested to ask the following next time: May I insert my penis into your vagina, please?  it got me howls of laughter. You must understand, we had a few beers.
I think I could have the greatest man before me, as soon as he'd say 'I want to make love to you,' with or without the 'sweet', I'd be running as fast as my legs can carry me.
Terrible! Terrible! Just terrible!

There. I said it. And here you have some animal porn, poor guy must be hoarse:

Now go, grab your man or your woman, or both if you like and have some serious sex. It's summer. :-)

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