Thursday, July 26, 2012

Self-set deadlines and troubles with massive walls

You probably wonder if someone has finally beaten me up for being so mouthy about the quality or better the lack thereof, in many self-published books. No, no, far from it. The only person who beats people up is me. In my fiction, I hasten to add. That's the reason for my not posting anything for a little while: I'm in the finishing state of my thriller, while I have three beta readers going through the book, taking notes of anything that may need addressing. My deadline was the 31st of July, and it looked as if I would be making it easily, but then I hit brick wall after brick wall, and, you see, I'm not really good at climbing walls, so I sat in front of it, pouted and sobbed, whined and complained everyone who asked what's wrong with me. It reminded me a little of a childhood memory: I got lost (okay, nothing new here), tried to remember where I had to go, but couldn't. Then sat on a kurb and cried bitterly. True story, no kidding. Don't know how old I I was, may have been six or seven, perhaps. A nice woman came, asked me what's wrong and I told her, sobbing and sniffling. Good thing I had my grandparents' address hammered into my head. The lady took me to them and the tears dried quickly after that.
I didn't cry at the latest walls, but screamed in frustration. You know when you have your eyes on something in front of you and just as you are about to run for it, someone switches out the light? No? Well, it never happened to me either, but I felt a bit like that. Tapping in the dark. Very annoying. As you know I had scenes written already a few months ago, to use for later. Well, that 'later' is now. And I'm trying to merge those into the book, making it seamless. Easier said then done. A few need rewriting, others, I'm not sure yet where I should put them and I also need to write an additional 7k. Nothing I wouldn't be able to manage, albeit with a lot of huffing and puffing, but it's definitely something I won't do again. It has set me back with my deadline, something I can react to like an autistic person. Even if it's only a few days. I don't like it. I've always been realistic with my deadlines as I know how I write and I calculate the brick walls, but this books takes the biscuit so far.Those weren't brick walls, they were concrete that needed a bazooka to get through them. I had severe difficulties with a few scenes I didn't like and rewrote several times. I can't just move on and go back to them later. I need to fix it right away. And I can't just ignore the book and do something else, I ponder all day long and even at night, stare at the screen, write, delete, write again, and so on. It seems not only my main characters are being tortured. I get a healthy dose of it, too.
Good news is that the beta readers enjoy the book, are hooked and say they can't wait to read more, which, per se, is a good sign and even bigger motivation. Who knows, maybe I manage the deadline after all?

By the way: take a look to the right; I've got a new cover for Candlelight Sinner, too. ;-)

And here's an interview with me. If you have time, stop by and leave a comment.

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