Saturday, December 11, 2010

Name: Zorro - Occupation: lazy bugger

I don't know what went into the ugly creature that provides me with delicious food every day, but somehow, I felt she's taking the piss, to be frank. Not only did I sit here with one sun, instead of two, but her services were poorly.
When I wake up, I want to be left in peace, well, so far, she obeys by these rules. But when I've sun-bathed and are all warm and fuzzy, I get hungry. And that means I'm almost starving. I could eat her, if only she would stand still for long enough.

So there I lay, lazy butt held into the warmth, waiting for her to come and serve me. Ha! She was nowhere to be seen, nor heard. But what could I do? Well, I climbed, jumped and walked around my house. This usually gets her attention. But still: nothing. Okay, then, I'll just wait until she pops her head into my home and makes those funny noises, I thought. I've learned that when she does this, food is on its way.

She kindly appeared an eternity later. I was so angry and upset at this stage, that I simply headed for her. She just about managed to jump backwards. Ha ha ha. Got you scared there, eh? My inner grin planted itself onto my ego. She walked out of sight and I became all excited. Gosh I was so looking forward to some fresh green stuff, I held my nose right out of my house. But I had to be careful, I could fall deep and that's certainly not in my interest. All I wanted is juicy greens and some other stuff she usually brings. Did I mention she does a good job with this?

Here she comes, I thought, now almost falling from my high seat. A huge heap was placed in front of me and I tucked in as if there's no tomorrow. Aaah, gorgeous. I didn't even mind her touching me, if it wasn't for the length she always does it. Then, she left me alone. Damn time, woman!

Of course not for long. As soon as I've finished, I actually planned to laze about, maybe snooze off a little, but I needed to do my business. Sorry, peeps, but it had to be done. And it keeps her on her toes, too. Yeah, I know, I'm mean. But that's what personal slaves are for, no?

Yep. She came running to clean after me. Good girl. I sat there, proud and big-headed when she waved something at me. I closed my eyes to pretend it's not happening and when I opened them, I panicked! I couldn't see and I wanted to scream. Blindfolded! I sat still, didn't dare to move. She made crazy noises and then took the blindfold off me. Silly game, that.

All I want to do is lay down, digest the good meal and dream of an iguana-perfect world.

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