Touching a reader's heart is hard

At least I find it difficult. Anger, I can do, frustration I can do, humour is easy, but touching a reader's heart so that he or she actually reaches for tissues? That's damn hard work.
There aren't many books that made me cry, but movies, oh hell, movies do the job. Why? Because they have the violins to emphasise the sad situation. Same goes with thrillers or horror; the bass and high pitched sounds of the violin will have you sit at the edge of your seat.
As authors we have to paint the picture more clearly, we have to draw the reader in so he or she feels like the character, as if he or she is in the book or has the scenes forming a motion picture before their eyes. A tricky job. I admit I had my fights with dramatic scenes in both books, No Wings Attached and Candlelight Sinner, but according to my Beta readers I've managed in the latter. One said I had her reeling for a moment and the other one told me yesterday that she actually was in tears. She said it's amazing how much you can get attached to the characters and worry with and for them. Not that I like making my readers cry, but it made me a little proud.

I think the problem for me is that writing those sob-scenes means to lay open a part of me. To write them I need to feel them, to picture them, which means I have to be sad, too. Rather annoying if you are in a happy place, to be honest; just press the button and be sad. Doesn't work that way, I'm afraid. If I were able to do that, I'd probably be an actor. One reason, by the way, to refrain to even try being one.

Bringing tears to a reader's eye, for me, is the ultimate writing challenge. You need the action, the words, the facial expressions, the gestures. Everything counts.


Here's what I do:

She sat down and cried bitter tears. <-- does that make you feel sad, too? No? Me neither.
But:
She gasped, her eyes filled with moisture and her lower lip quivered. With one hand, she reached out to feel his pulse. Nothing. She couldn't feel anything. One tear rolled down her cheek, followed by another; until they build a steady stream. She didn't bother to wipe them away; instead she leaned forward and pressed her ear to his chest. "Please don't be dead, please don't leave me! I love you," she whispered desperately between her sobs. He lay still, the world -- her world  -- had stopped moving and only her weeps echoed through the room.

Okay, might be a bit over the top and I told you I'm not the best when it comes to dramatic scenes, but I'm getting better at it.

How do you write them? Do you find them easy to write or do you struggle, too?

Life's good, finally.

Name: Zorro

Breed: Iguana 

Age: Six and a half years

Size: 4'9" snout to tail (150 cm)

Weight: 13.22 pounds (6kg)
Preferred food: Wild rocket, watercress, leafy greens in general, cress, alphaalphabutternut squash, beansprouts, carrots, figs, dates, and plenty of it.


This is another part of my diary: (Apologies if the tenses are screwed up, I'm trying to get my head around them.)

Before you get the wrong idea, I don't want to complain. Guess it could be worse than living with that ugly creature, but there are times I really want her to bugger off and stare at that thing she likes so much.

Not long ago, I was rather, let's say, horny and all I wanted was one wonderful, maybe two or three females to mate with, but, no, I had to sweat it. Can you imagine how it was to want sex for months and have no opportunity? Well, yes, that's how I felt. And to make matters more complicated, the other male that cockily nodded at me wouldn't go away. My attempts to chase him off were rather painful, my snout and nose were swollen and it wasn't pleasant, believe you me. At least he didn't get any sex either, that was some sort of consolation.

In addition to that, I didn't have an appetite. The ugly creature put heaps of green leaves in my house, but I just ignored it. Thought, perhaps when I don't eat, she might get me a woman. Can't be that difficult, can it? I'd have put up with a random girl � any girl � but my desires weren't heard.

Then, as if that wasn't enough of suffering, she came with a wet thing and pressed it on my snout. I thought, what the heck is going on? It hurt and it wasn't particularly tasty either.

One day, when I just lay sleepily on my high look out, I saw something that raised suspicion: the dark thing and I knew it's not going to be a good day. Hell, I had just woken up and there she came, entering my house and ripping me from my place, only to stuff me into the dark thing, fold my tail to my side and close it. I wouldn't give up without a fight and struggled, tried to turn around quickly and escape, but she's bigger and stronger. No chance for me. Then, all went dark. I still heard her making funny noises, but as much as I tried to move around and get out again, I was truly buggered.

I hate being in there, it feels like the ground is shaking and not very comfortable and it goes on for ages.

Anyway, hearing her was only a slight relief. I wanted to see what's happening! To show her how much I hate it, I did a huge business. Not that it helped. I also learned it was the wrong decision, because I had to put up with the smell.

When I finally blinked into brightness again, I looked into two more ugly faces. Brilliant, I thought, I've seen them before and I know they'll hurt me. On days like that, I hate my life, wondering 'Why me?�

And surely, I didn't have to wait long before I felt a pain in the upper end of my tail.

Ouch! I tried to get away, but what can I say? It was three against one. I was clearly outnumbered.

And right after that I was allowed to stretch my limps. I ignored all of them and took a thorough look around. Then the female grabbed me firmly and soon it was dark again. Defeated, I settled down and accepted my situation.

Ages later, I was back in my own house. And although I wasn't big on eating, she brought something new, something very, very tasty. I was hooked the second I bit on it the first time. Whenever I see her placing it on my lower hang out, I come running. Often a mistake, because to get it I must go close to the entrance of my house and there she stands, waiting. I have the choice between mouth-watering sweet treat or her flesh. Guess what I go for? I even let her touch me, she can come in handy when it's itching. My eyes, my cheeks, mainly my eyes, though. And she's really good at making the itch go away temporarily.

Well, apart from that special one I had. Glad it's over � feeling normal again, the hunger's back, too and I said it before and will gladly repeat it: when it comes to food, the ugly female has very good knowledge of what I like.

Broccoli-cauliflower cream soup for the soul

It's getting cold in the UK and what could be nicer than a freshly prepared cream soup to warm the heart? It doesn't take long to make and can be eaten as a starter if you entertain guests, or on a week day when you come home from work and can't be bothered to spend ages in front of the cooker.

Here's what you need:   
A few broccoli and cauliflower florets (perfectly great from the freezer)
Vegetable stock powder/cube
A cup of milk
Salt
Pepper
Curry powder


Put the frozen vegetables into boiling water and let them simmer for a few minutes. Transfer the vegetables with some of the water it cooked in into the blender, add a stock cube or the powder, season with salt, pepper and a pinch of curry powder, add the milk and blend until smooth. You can add some sour cream or Cr�me fraiche for more silkiness.

Best with French stick.

See, it's that easy to cook a fresh soup; there's really no excuse to open a tin. Also a wonderful meal when you have a surprise visitor.

Vanity publishers, how to recognise them

Writers want to be published. That applies to about 99% of us. Which is fair enough, but the way to publishing can be a bit of a mine field as there are plenty of companies out there that try -- and often succeed -- to take advantage of the desire. Scams, or vanity publishers will e-mail desperate, on a fine string of hope clinging, writers, telling them how much they liked their manuscript and that they want to publish it.
The immediate flattery will often cause a fuzzy warm feeling and let the writers' hearts swell and often enough, it will lead to acceptance and a signature on the dotted lines. Not long after that, they'll wake up, realising the mistake they made. They often give away their rights, they pay for the printing and non-existing marketing, sometimes they pay nothing, but won't earn anything either, since the book won't sell. They don't get their books edited, often only formatted and the royalties are ridiculously low. They are encouraged to do the marketing, beginning with friends and family; their 'publisher' won't move a finger.

And there are quite a few on the hunt for new and inexperienced 'victims'. The concept seems to work, since those vanity publishers pop up everywhere.

A twitter friend has signed with one of those, his e-book cost �3.50 on the publisher's website, �3.45 on amazon. If you want to read a sample, you need to log into the publisher's website and 'add it to cart', even if it's for free. You can download the sample without any problems through amazon's kindle store but there's not hint on the site. The publisher makes it difficult for a potential buyer. I know from the author that they didn't edit the book. They also offer a proofreading service for money. Big fat warning sign.
Companies like that are usually listed at Preditors & Editors, a site I would urge everyone to check out before signing anything. The offer might sound wonderful, but the traps are hidden in the small print. Also check the company who's contacting you by googling them.

Here are a few signs that should have you running for the hills:

- they ask for money upfront

Money always flows to the author

-the publisher mentions many books and famous authors, but their website doesn't list any 

It's always worth to check the website first, then do your reseach. Do you know the authors? Heard of the books? Many claim to be a long-standing successful company, but their only success is to lure unsuspecting writers with a dream who pay a far too high price in the end.

- the publisher contacts you and praises your book based on a small excerpt seen on a writers' website or on your blog

Unless it's a start-up company, publishers usually are flooded with manuscripts in their slushpile and don't need to actively search for new talents. But even a start-up company would always ask for a full manuscript and  your book will go through all the editing and proofing stages like it would with a one of the big six

- the publisher offers you a contract a few days after you send either, a partial or full ms

A publisher won't offer you anything unless they've read the full ms (fiction only) and they normally ask for changes and rewrites, even if mininal, assign you an editor, meet you/talk over the phone, etc. before they offer you anything. There are a few exceptions when an author has been offered a contract immediately, but it's not common. Publishing is business and they don't throw their money/time at someone unkown.

- the publisher presses for the signature

No publisher will put pressure on you. They will give you the time to read the contract carefully, have it checked by someone (there are specialists for this industry), will be open to negotiations

- the publisher doesn't answer your questions

Usually means they have something to hide. Wishy-washy answers or turning into a 'what we can do for you and your money' is not the practise of a reputable house.

- the publisher says your ms is perfect and doesn't need any edits
Every publisher will edit to a certain extent. Sometimes, your ms might be rather clean, but they will still try to adapt  it to their house-line. And there's no manuscript that doesn't need editing. Even famous authors have their ms edited.

- the publisher offers several services like editing, proofing, formatting, etc. for money

A reputable publisher won't have time to spare to do such jobs.

If you receive an offer, even if it's one of the big six, always have your contract checked by a professional. Never sign anything without it. If you have a solid offer, it shouldn't be difficult to find an agent (worth if you have more novels in the line) or find a solicitor who specialises in that field.


That's all for today.  If you have something to add, please do so; the more people are aware of the techniques of vanity publishers, the better.

Oi, foreigner, learn English before you talk to me

Okay, the title is a bit over the top, I know. I love teasing you :-)

I just came back from the Polish shop and not for the first time. I think for the past six months or so I've been in there fairly regularly. They often have products similar to Germans stuff, i.e. a particular sausage you can't buy anywhere else than in a Polish shop, probably not even in the German Deli -- not that I go there often.
When I asked the girl behind the counter to cut the slices thinly, she looked at me with puppy eyes, then nodded and I knew she had no idea what 'thin' means. I repeated it and she ignored me. No idea if she thought I'm talking to myself, most probably didn't she understand what I was saying. In any way, I found it rather rude.
When we went on to the next sausage I had to use my hands to explain what 'thin' means. She understood raw (or so I think) perfectly fine, when I asked about something else.
I keep seeing that phenomenon a lot and I wonder why people don't care about the language of the country they live in. Even if you don't plan to stay forever, why don't you take the opportunity to learn a new language? English comes in handy everywhere. I don't expect people to be speak near native, but to be able to hold a conversation or at least have a basic vocabulary. Yes, it's a Polish shop and maybe they don't like English people (I doubt she knows I'm German, or worse, she knows and can't stand Germans), but I'm always friendly, say hello, please, thank you and even try ask for for some products in Polish.

It was always beyond me how someone could pass on such a great opportunity to learn, to broaden their horizon. Language is the ultimate basis of communication. I'm constantly amazed that I, being German, can mingle with people from all over the world, learn from them, laugh with them, teach them, etc. and that all because we have one thing in common: we are able to speak English.

Cultural differences aside, when women aren't allowed out of the house or speak to others (yes, sadly it's still happening in the year 2011), I will not understand that people can't see what they're missing out by not stepping out of their comfort zone and at least try.

Flattery will get you... nowhere

Yes, that's right. It won't get you anywhere if you're searching for constructive feedback. No matter which field, if you have smoke blown up your arse, you might feel all fuzzy inside, but you won't improve what you need improve.
Recently, one of my clients tweeted me that she wasn't happy that I didn't like her book, but as a result she's been through her ms several times and says it's now improved.
I tweeted back that I wasn't paid to make her happy, but to help her make the ms better. I admit, I was harsh with her, but she knew what she had signed up for. Of course I could have told her how great a writer she is and that her book will make it into the bestseller lists. But I prefer honesty over flattery. Always.

A few weeks ago, I had part of my literary fiction piece up on a writers' website and since it's about two writers meeting and getting to know each other through said website, it was easy to relate for its members. My book received raving reviews, from 'I read on, mesmerised' to 'one of the best books I've ever read on here' and a few asked if I'll post more. Two wondered if I could pull off the rather unique style for the complete length of a 80k novel, and one questioned if a reader, who has no writing experience -- let alone participated on a writers' website, would understand the concept. I can safely answer yes to the first question, the second remains to be seen.
Sure the compliments were rather flattering and since I'm extremely shy about this book and hesitant to show it to the world, it was wonderful to know it wasn't dismissed by my fellow scribblers. In fact, only my best friend fell asleep over it, but she said it was difficult to read since she's so close to me. That's about the only negative comment I received and I'm beginning to believe I'm onto something with this manuscript.

Then again, I''m my worst critic and not happy with it. Don't get me wrong, I love the book, I love the prose, I love the honestly that oozes from it, but I find it's not there yet. It needs tweaking here and there, some additions and a few passages will be deleted. And, knowing me, I will work on it until I'm satisfied.
For the time being, the book is in the capable hands of Sean, a wonderful man I met through twitter; he is sort of my target audience, not a writer, but a reader and a smart one, too and he'll be able to answer question number two.

Certainly, we authors are delicate souls, but how will we be able to improve without constructive criticism? The three people who were wondering about the style and the content were the ones mirroring my existing doubts, those niggles in the back of my mind that tell me the ms needs more work. It doesn't mean I'll hit the delete button and the book will never see daylight. No, quite the contrary; it means I'll put all effort into it, to make it as beautiful as it deserves.

The troubles with Blogger site feed. A rant

Some of you will have heard my cries for help about six months ago, then again three months ago and finally today again. The reason: readers of my blog who wanted to subscribe, couldn't. I added the gadget 'stalk me via 'e-mail' button, to provide at least some sort of possibility to follow, but it wasn't what I wanted. I like it nice and clean.
Searching for an explanation via Internet left me puzzled. What I found were terms like feed burner (I might burn food, but I haven't got a clue what that feed burner thing does or is used for), redirect link(?), Blogger feed url, etc. I wouldn't know how Blogger feeds urls. I feed my animal and myself, and that works just fine. If I have visitors, I even feed them.
You see I love my facebook friends, because they rock. I posted my cry for help in the afternoon and had two people immediately replying, trying to help. Now Sudam, the wonderful man, is an IT wizard and that, you can imagine, left me with my head nearly exploding. I was even more confused after his kind help and the links he sent me.
Rachel, the lovely girl and I, we messaged back and forth until she had to leave and all the while I e-mailed with my friend Marcos (50 e-mails!) including screen shots on my side and finding solutions on his side. To no avail. I was devastated.
He finally started his own blog to find out how it's working, advised me to delete my blog url from that field and asked me to change 'full' to 'none' and back (saving between the steps. And don't ask me what that's for, if you did ask if I had a clue, I'd probably say exactly that: 'none', while I'm 'full' of anger.) So I did as he asked me and miraculously, the feed is now working.

But I wonder:
Why is there no explanation out there following the elimination process?
Questions like: if you go to your dashboard/design, settings/other and where it says Post Feed Redirect URL, is that field empty? Then it wouldn't be such a problem, would it? Best with screen shots. 
But no, all you get is an array full of terms nobody is able to understand, at least not this person here. I'm usually not that stupid with technique. But this tiny error of having my blog url in that field, kept people from subscribing.
At least it's working now and everyone who'd like to see what I'm up to, my rants or how the iguana is can subscribe. Wonderful world of Blogging, eh?
Thank you to my three brave friends who tried to shed light on the subject. You guys are awesome!

And to finish on a humorous note, this one here makes me smile every time: